Est. 300,000,000 BC · Hand-milked
The most nutritious milk on Earth doesn't come from a cow, a goat or an almond. It comes from a roach.
The origin story
Deep in the Pacific lives Diploptera punctata, the Pacific beetle cockroach. Unlike her lesser cousins, she doesn't lay eggs. She carries her young, and she feeds them milk. That milk turns to crystals inside them, packed with protein, fats and sugars. For three hundred million years she has kept this secret. Until now.
0×
the energy of buffalo milk, gram for gram
0/9
essential amino acids. The full set.
0m
years of research and development
100g
lactose. Your stomach can relax.
Why roach?
Gram for gram, over three times the energy of buffalo milk, and buffalo milk already makes cow's milk look like a glass of tap water.
Nature's own protein crystals. It's milk you could set in a ring. Every sip is basically jewellery.
As the crystals break down they keep releasing protein. Breakfast at eight, still going at four. Your lunch is now optional.
Protein, fats and sugars in one tidy package, with all nine essential amino acids. The roach has done the meal prep for you.
No cow, no lactose. Technically not even dairy. The Milk Marketing Board would like a word.
Cockroaches have outlived the dinosaurs and will outlive the rest of us. Your supply chain is the most resilient on Earth.
No fields, no methane, no tractors. A cockroach needs a warm corner and some crumbs. You already have both.
Protein-rich and fiercely dense. Walk into the gym with a glass of this and watch the whey people go quiet.
"What's in your coffee?" You will never have a dull conversation again. Or, possibly, any conversation again.
The freshest supply is probably behind your fridge right now. Farm to table in under a metre.
Each cockroach produces a minuscule amount. Rarer than oat milk, harder to get than truffles. Very exclusive. Very you.
People will notice something's different about you. They won't know what. You'll know.
The league table
Energy per 100g, in kcal
The milking station
Tap the roach to fill your glass. It takes a lot of roaches.
0%
Roaches milked: 0
Every tap milks 25 roaches. Gently.
From roach to glass
Only Diploptera punctata will do. The others are frankly amateurs.
Mum makes a rich, pale-yellow milk to feed her growing brood.
Inside the young, the milk sets into protein crystals. Nature's own freeze-drying.
Our artisans work by hand, by torchlight, at roughly one roach per artisan per hour.
Over ice, in coffee, on cereal. Pinky out. Antennae up.
"I switched from oat to roach and I have never felt more alive. My flatmate moved out, but I have never felt more alive."
"Put it in my flat white and the barista just stared at me. Five stars. Would stare again."
"Rich. Nutty. A faint crunch. Reminds me of my childhood, which I'm now going to discuss with a professional."
"I'm a cockroach. Stop following me around with a tiny bucket."
"Did a whole marathon on one glass. Wasn't entered in it. Just kept running."
Limited supply
Hand-milked. Crystal-clear. Six-legged. Pre-order your first pint today.